Relationship Serenity™
Protecting your serenity and sobriety through relationship and divorce crisis
If you're in recovery and in relationship hell...
You Don't Have to Choose Between Your Serenity and Your Marriage
If you're in 12-step recovery and facing a relationship or divorce crisis, you already know what's at stake. The emotional turmoil threatens everything you've worked so hard to build. The fear of making the wrong choice keeps you frozen. The resentment feels like it's eating you alive.
You might be thinking about divorce. You might be in the middle of it. Or you might be out of it but still emotionally entangled. Wherever you are, you're afraid that this relationship crisis will cost you your program.
Here's what you need to know: You can walk through this without losing your serenity or risking your sobriety. You don't have to white-knuckle your way through. You don't have to choose between staying sober and making the right decision about your relationship.
There's a clear path forward — whether you decide to stay, go, or rebuild. And that path keeps your recovery intact every single step of the way.
Three Core Roadblocks Put Your Recovery at Risk
Relationship and divorce crisis creates specific, predictable challenges for people in recovery. These roadblocks don't just threaten your peace of mind — they create the exact conditions that put your sobriety in danger.
"I don't know if I should stay or go"
You're caught in chronic indecision, afraid that leaving means failure and staying means suffering. Your sense of self is still fused with the relationship, making it impossible to see clearly.
The risk: Confusion creates emotional turmoil. Turmoil makes you restless, irritable, and discontented — classic relapse conditions.
"The unknown terrifies me"
Questions about money, housing, and children keep you paralyzed. You can't picture life on the other side, whether you stay or go. Your nervous system is stuck in constant crisis mode.
The risk: Living in fear and uncertainty means white-knuckling your sobriety. When everything feels like shark-infested waters, a drink looks like a life raft.
"I'm drowning in resentment"
Anger, blame, and revenge fantasies run the show. You know intellectually that resentment will destroy you, but emotionally you're hooked on it. You want them to suffer for what they did.
The risk: As the Big Book says, "Resentment is the number one offender." This relationship crisis becomes the loophole you use to justify breaking your program.
The Relationship Serenity Method™
A proven framework that helps people in 12-step recovery walk through relationship or divorce crisis without losing their serenity or their sobriety.
This three-part method addresses each roadblock systematically, giving you the tools, clarity, and spiritual alignment you need to make decisions from a place of strength — not fear, confusion, or rage. Whether you ultimately decide to stay, leave, or rebuild, you'll do it with your program intact and your serenity protected.
Think of it as a bolt-on to your existing recovery program. It doesn't replace your meetings, sponsor, therapist, lawyer, or your steps. It applies recovery principles directly to the unique challenges of relationship crisis, creating a safe container for this journey.
Divorce & Relationship Upheaval are the Bermuda Triangle of Recovery
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Resentment is the number one offender.
Divorce and relationship upheaval is dangerous territory for anyone, and especially perilous for those in sobriety.
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Staying sober during relationship crisis means more than not picking up a drink.
It requires emotional sobriety: the willingness to relinquish unhealthy dependencies, unrealistic demands, and the belief that people or circumstances must change for us to be okay.
3
Emotional disturbance is rooted in dependence that turns into demand.
When those demands are frustrated—as they inevitably are in divorce—resentment, fear, and emotional intoxication take hold unless recovery principles are applied with rigor.
4
The same tools that protect sobriety—honest self-examination, surrender, spiritual grounding, right action, and service—must be consciously practiced during relationship crisis.
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When they are, even profound upheaval can become a turning point toward maturity, balance, true freedom, and lasting serenity.
Pillar 1: Serene Self-Respect
Rebuild an identity that isn't codependent on the relationship
The first roadblock — "Should I stay or should I go?" — exists because you don't fully love or trust yourself yet. Your sense of identity is still built around the other person instead of your own recovery. Self-respect work changes everything.
Inside this pillar, you'll:
  • Get radically honest about what you actually want — not what you think you should want
  • Separate your program from the person so your sobriety isn't held hostage
  • See clearly what staying would mean versus what leaving would mean, without fantasy, denial, or catastrophizing
  • Make decisions from self-respect instead of self-abandonment
The transformation: From "I don't know if I should stay or go" to "I can trust myself to choose what's right, and I can stay sober either way."
Pillar 2: The Serenity Strategy™
Create a concrete plan for this transition that protects your recovery
The second roadblock — fear of the unknown — keeps you paralyzed and your nervous system in constant fight-or-flight. You can't think clearly when you're in survival mode. A clear strategy changes panic into purposeful action.
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Map your phase
Whether you're in "Should I stay or go?", "Get me out," or "I'm out but still emotionally in," each phase has specific challenges and needs
2
Get practical without fear-driven decisions
Address real concerns about money, children, and logistics in a way that serves your values and your sobriety
3
Move from crisis to clarity
Shift out of reactive panic mode into calm, strategic action you can take one sober step at a time
The transformation: From "I'm terrified of the unknown" to "I have a plan I can walk one sober step at a time."
Pillar 3: The Resentment Reset™
Clear the anger and blame before it clears you
The third roadblock — resentment, blame, and revenge fantasies — is the most dangerous. This is the number one relapse trigger. You intellectually know that holding onto resentment will kill you, but the emotional hook feels impossible to release.
Inside this pillar, you'll:
Apply 12-step principles directly to divorce and relationship crisis (not just to drinking or using)
Move from "What they did to me" to "What I'm responsible for now"
Learn how to let go of vengeance fantasies without becoming a doormat
Keep your side of the street clean so you stay spiritually aligned with your program
The transformation: From "I want them to suffer" to "I want my peace more than I want their punishment."

As the Big Book reminds us: "Resentment is the number one offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else." The Resentment Reset helps you clear this danger before it takes your serenity — or your sobriety.
This Work Is Different
What makes Relationship Serenity™ uniquely effective
Built for people in recovery
This isn't generic relationship advice adapted for people in 12-step programs. Every tool, every framework, every conversation is designed specifically around protecting your sobriety and maintaining your serenity.
Spiritual principles meet practical strategy
You'll apply the wisdom of your program — acceptance, surrender, humility, gratitude — to real-world challenges like finances, custody, and legal decisions. Spirituality without strategy leaves you stuck. Strategy without spirituality puts you at risk.
Not legal representation, not therapy
I am a lawyer but I'm not your lawyer. I'm not your therapist. I'm your sobriety-safe guide through relationship crisis.
You Can Keep Your Serenity and Your Sobriety
No matter what you decide about your relationship
Whatever choice you make — to stay, to leave, or to rebuild — you can make it from a place of clarity, self-respect, and spiritual alignment. You don't have to sacrifice your program to save your marriage. You don't have to risk your sobriety to end your suffering.
Protected sobriety
Every step of this process keeps your recovery as the top priority
Clear direction
End the exhausting cycle of confusion and indecision
Self-trust restored
Reconnect with your inner wisdom and make decisions you can live with
The Relationship Serenity Method gives you a proven path forward. You've already done the hardest work of your life getting sober. You have the tools, the courage, and the spiritual foundation to walk through this crisis without losing what matters most- no matter what you decide.
Why Susan
Former Prosecutor | Trial Lawyer | MSNBC Senior Legal Analyst
Susan Filan is a Certified Divorce Coach, Certified Recovery Coach, and attorney with over 30 years of experience representing individuals through high-stakes personal and legal crisis.
She holds an M.A., J.D., and LL.M.
Susan has lived the terrain she now guides others through — as both a professional and a participant.
She understands recovery, divorce, and relationship crisis not in theory, but in practice.
She works independently or alongside your legal counsel.
Your Serenity Is Worth Protecting
If you're in 12-step recovery and facing relationship or divorce crisis, you don't have to navigate this alone. The Relationship Serenity Method helps you protect what you've worked so hard to build while creating space for clarity, healing, and the right next steps.
You can walk through this without losing your serenity or risking your sobriety.
Contact Information
Phone: 203.948.7418
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